Now thats resourceful!

So....... Today I had a few extra minutes so I parked my drivers ed car behind the Whetstone library and went for a walk over by the tennis courts. Thats when i saw the smartest tennis player i have ever met. He was practicing by himself on the courts, with his fine golden retreiver. He would practice a serve, and his dog woul;d run after the ball, and bring it back to him. PERFECT. So, I said to him, "Wow! you got an amazing system down!" Out of breath he shouted back, "ya man, it sure beats playing with my nagging as hell wife, and the dog gets some excercise!"

I don't know how many times

I don't know how many times, I have had a "ditsy" high school girl respond to this question with this type of answer.

me "so what type of car have you been practicing your driving in?"

student "red"
or
student "black"
or
student "blue"

so today the girl said "blue" this happens on a fairly regular basis. You can at least tell me the make of the car, i know that the year and model can be pushing it for some people, but SERIOSLY! DONT REFER TO THE TYPE OF CAR YOU DRIVE BY ITS FUCKING COLOR!!!

guess what i saw in the bathroom?

On saturday afternoon, a friend of mine was visiting from Cleveland. We decided to knock down a couple-a beers.... what better place to start then the short north tavern? Also going on this saturday afternoon was a lesbian short north st. patty's weekend pub crawl. The bar was loaded with loaded women in green attire. After beer number 2 i had to "break the seal" so i rushed to the water closet. When i opened the bathrom door i was stunned to see a heavier set women in a sparkling green derby hat squatting down with butt pressed against the urinal back directly facing me. My jaw dropped as i saw more then i needed to see. She laughed and said "whats the matter, you've never seen a women use a urinal before?" i said "well... no, i never would of thought." she pulled up her pants and casually flushed the urinal and replied "well, get used to it, HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!"