Paul's chips

Late last night, a certain friend of mine (who asks to be adamymous) anyways, we had a case of the munchies sitting at the kitchen table staring at Paul's unopened bag of chips. A certain friend of mine coaxes me into opening the chips and we each put back a few. Then i realized Paul would walk in the door any minute so i took a lighter and tried to re-seal the bag, which just kinda melted it and burned a couple small holes. Suddenly Paul walked in, and within 20 secends noticed the charred bag of chips and threw a small hissy huff.

Adventures in Dogshitting

I was driving through a residential neighborhood in Worthington, when i saw the weirdest double team dogpoopscooping. This young active couple were walking a german sheppard that decided to drop one off. Instead of allowing this to happen and scooping it up, here is what they did......... The guy was walking the dog side by side with his lady friend, when the dog stopped and assumed the position, the lady dropped down to one knee behind the dog and held out a bag, catching the crap before it ever even hit the grass..... wow, were they efficient!

So Anderson is mad at me because.....

About a month ago, fast eddie and i stumbled across a mail order bride website. We registered under the name Adam Anderson, and surfed through many, many, women. if you find one you like, there is a button referred to as the "wink" button, this just lets the lady know that you are interested in her profile. So, we winked at a few women. Anyways, a month later we confessed to Adam that we did this, and he was furious...... i don't think he has any reason to be beacause 1. we came claen and told him 2. none of the women even tried to contact him 3. he has received absolutely no junk mail/spam from all of this

"rookie"

On saturday night Christian Lutzco and i went to Betty's at 1:50am to satisfy a late night bowtie pasta craving for Lutzco. As we were waiting a little badass dude was running down the sidewalk tripping over his sagging pants..... Suddenly a cop car comes northbound on high st. and does a sideways Dukes of Hazard style sliding stop. This rookie cop hops out of the car and pulls his shotgun out. He rushes towards the assailant and cocks the shotgun with one arm as it makes a clip sound, a few drunk smokers in front of Short North Tavern dive to the sidewalk. Another cop car comes screaming down the road and they arrest the bad guy. The rookie unloads the shotgun with a smile on his freshly shaven face that said "God dang i love this job!" The other two cops were kinda laughing at him.

this driving student of mine

So today i was driving around with this girl, and for the first hour and a half she was having an incredible amont of trouble keeping her speed. She was either going way too fast, or way too slow. Finally i said, "okay, look you are going 18 mph in a
35 mph zone, and she said "wait a minute, i thought the 2 stood for 20 mph" I said, "what? oh crap, you have been looking at the rpm meter, look over to your right, thats the speed-o-meter" She said "oh i thought RPM was Japanese for miles per hour?"

can you believe that

did you ever wonder

Everybody like to receive a good backrub. Problem is, some guys who don't hang around girls very often, rarely get the opportunity. Why is it so weird for two guys who are friends to give each other backrubs? I mean seriously, everyone loves a good backrub, so why can't guys who are just "hanging out" give eachother backrubs.... Now, im not trying to proposition anyone at all, i just simply realized how taboo it is, and thought it was a kinda funny subject

wash your hands

So today i was working on a painting that involved brown paint, which of course got all over my hand. I went up to the gas station shortly afterwords, and asked the cashier where the bathroom was. After taking a leak, i went back to the register and pre-paid for $10 worth of fuel. I handed the money over, and got a very disgusted look from the cashier. Not until i got home did it occur to me, the cashier probably thought i had poop on my hand...... GROSS!

mixed signals

so i ended up at a gay bar last night, i met up with some friends at Havana. It was a good time, but i felt like i threw up some mixed signals to the guys because of my wardrobe. 1) Green Adidas track jacket 2) pink earrings 3) San Francisco Giants t-shirt. I tried to act extra macho to compensate for my getup, but it probably made me seem even less straight.

drinks on me tonight!

i got my tax return today! drinks on me! $12.00, lets go up to the YMCA and take some sips from the water fountain!

Lately, i've been disappointed with how im acting in dreams

Lately, i've been disappointed with how im acting in dreams......
In the past two weeks I have turned down making love to a beautiful woman on a cruise ship and chickened out in a fight against two 13 year olds. I'll spare you details about the cruise ship misadventure, but here is what happened with the 13 year olds. I was skateboarding down the street, when i noticed two kids throwing around the football. The one kid with sandy blonde hair threw the football right at me, knocking me off my board. I said "What the fuck is your problem?" Both of the kids run over and get in my face and told me to get the hell out of here or else" I got very intimidated and took off like a rabid bobcat.....

here is why i say "fuck T9"

here is why i say "fuck T9"
If you are familiar with the "t9" feature for "texting" (which is something i dont do too often) on a cellphone... you will agree with me on this
So..... when you type in a word, if the phone doesn't figure it out, you can hit the NEXT button and get your phone's 2nd, 3rd, etc. guess as to what you wanted to type. The reason i say fuck T9 is because if you attempt to text the word "fuck" (which is used very commonly) you need to hit NEXT a few times...
Can you guess which two words we use more than "fuck"?

1. dual?
2. duck?

give me a fucking break? or should i say give me a "ducking" break?