fast eddie uses beer bottles to simulate human interaction

tonight, my comrad fast eddie used beer bottles to simulate human interaction. He was explaining something that involved two people so he picked up some bottles and shook them around to represent people talking to eachother.... and for some reason it was funny as hell!

snakes in the city

im sick and tired of people saying there are no snakes in the short north! I have seen 2 of them in the past year, and nodody believed. Well, today i went to check the mail and what would you know... i dead snake on our sidewalk. I have properly identified it as a garter snake. I know its a gross photo, but the truth isnt always pretty

guy in onion articale looks like Paul Helsel

Guy in Onion Article Looks Like Paul Helsel

COLUMBUS, OHIO-
A guy in an onion article has a striking resemblence to Paul Helsel. The resemblence goes from haircut, all the way down to the smug look on his face. Not to mention if he was on a catering staff he would surely mock the partygoers.




here is an actual photo of Paul.

*Paul Helsel look alike photo credited to Maxine Mendelson

a new level of dorkyness

a driving student of mine climbed to the highest plataeu of dorkyness today. He talked about his computer, which he named after his favorite Star Wars villian Darth Vader. That is Dorky, but he then proceeded to open his wallet and show me a photo of his shiney black PC! Carrying a picture of your computer in your wallet?? That is really, really dorky!

best gum in 2007

for best gum 2007, i nominate

Dentyne Fire (soft chew) cinnamon spice!

www.dentyne.com (pretty cool website too)

im sick and tired of mint, this is the future!
just enough kick to make your mouth feel good, while making your breath damn near irresistable to women!

i sneezed while pissing, and...

No joke, i had a huge sneeze while taking a piss, usually this results in peeing on floor next to toilet..... but today, i ended up pisssing on my own chest somehow, so i had to change my shirt.

so i kinda felt like Larry David

During jury duty i got myself in a scenario where i came off as an asshole, but thats not the way i wanted it to be....
I had been working on a 1000 piece puzzle for the last couple days. The puzzle was a royal pain in the ass, it featured sweets galore (cupcakes/cookies/gumdrops/walnuts/pie/etc.) I was down to about 60 pieces left, when this lady who had worked on a puzzle a few days prior comes over. She says, "wow you are comin along." She just kinda stands there over my shoulder, i kept thinking, when will she leave.... She then grabs a piece and carefully places it in its place. At this point my blood begins to boil. How can she come over and help me now that im almost done? So i reposition myself to give her a bad view of the pieces, she moves over and begins to place pieces together. Finally i said "You know, not to sound like a jerk, but i made it this far myself, i kinda wanna finish it solo." She says, "Sure you do, let me just finish the walnut/cashew section over here" I said "fine, but you better save me the last few pieces." We get down to 3 pieces left and i place two of them. The lady reaches for the last piece and i basically grab it out of her hand. She looks at me in a timid voice and says "Oh, i was just gonna hand you the last piece." I said something like "oh im sorry i thought you were gonna accidentally finish my puzzle"

i seriously smashed my balls in between a table leaf

so i installed a table leaf on my kitchen table, but it is really annoying cuz there is always a little gap. Today i decided to close the gap by enlarging it, and then slamming the two sections into eachother. Problem was, i leaned into the table (which is about crotch height) and totally blasted my "family jewels" when i slammed the sections together. This is the most painful blow i think i've ever taken, its been a half hour on ice and they still hurt. I really don't want to go to the emergency room, cuz id say i slammed my balls in between two table sections, and the doctor would chuckle and say "why did you do that?" I dont feel like explaining this again..... it seriously hurts