i dropped my dog in a creek

So i took my parents dog for a walk in a small wooded area in the middle of the neighborhood. When i was in 5 or 6th grade me and some friends made a couple little bridges to cross the creek. Well.... years have gone by, and the bridges went the way of the dodo bird. There was no way in hell i was gonna walk the dog all the way back thru the muddy woods, and there was no way in hell the dog could make the jump on his own.......... so, i sized up the potential jump to be about 12 feet or so, and the bank of the creek we were on was about 5 feet higher than the other, so i figured that would help make the jump easier. So i tucked my (roughly 25 lb. dog) under my right arm and got a running start. Midway thru the jump my dog freaked out and squirmed out of my grip, splashing into the shallow creek below. I did not give up and lunged for the other side of the creek, missing by about 2 feet, so we both got pretty wet.... it kinda sucked

scenes from Bodega: part 3

so this big girl was outside Bodega... asking people for a cell phone to call a cab, i said "hey no problem, and i dialed 444-4444 for her and handed the phone over. As she was ordering the cab she said "please bring a cab to Bodega, otherwise i might have to sleep with some guy with a bad haircut." She then hands the phone back to me and says "Out of the 3 of you (me, andy ellis, adam anderson...you are the least attractive. so i said "okay, well thanks for borrowing my phone." She then says " he is probably better in bed then you (pointing to andy ellis" and i said "thats fine, but i let you use my phone, and i'm trying to be nice" she then says "oh my God, i bet he is the best in bed out of you guys" (pointing to adam anderson)
she grabs his arm and he pulls away, she said "why are you afraid of putting your arm around me?"

thats the end of my story.... no real climax

this fucking asshole at white castle

this fucking asshole at white castle was super hammered after the OSU game...

time: approximately 4:02am
so...this fucking asshole was bitching at the lady in the window about how his Sprite cup was not a true large
she said "im sorry honey but thats a large"
he said "thats bullshit"

at this point he slams his cup down and walks over to where the condiments are.... he then pulls out the metal cylinder the straws are in and dumps it on the ground. This fucking asshole then takes the empty straw container and fills it up with ice, then sprite. Afterwords, he dumps a huge sip into his mouth and said "this is a fucking large sprite"

dude where is my car? for real

adam anderson and i were sitting outside on high st., when 2 frattish looking dudes came drunk-walking by. The one guy wearing a striped button down shirt and pre-ripped jeans runs up to a no parking sign and jumps up, grabs the sign and swings around like an ape. He slams into his buddy who looks blankly at him and says "dude, where is the car at man?"
his friend says "dude, i dont know where the car is..."

after this little scene, they turn around and walk back the way they just came from

scenes from Bodega: part 2

so, there were some dudes outside smoking, talking about issues 4 & 5

guy #1 "so i am kinda happy the way things turned out"

guy #2 "i understand, but i am a philosophy major at OSU, and to me...i feel that the results go against basic morals"

go back to "bum school"

so tonight, this bum did the worst bumming i've ever experienced. He went about things in reverse fashion...

"hey dude, let me get a puff of that smoke"

me-sorry man, i only got one smoke left

"thats cool man, give me your last smoke"

me-no man, i only have one left

"im diabetic, give me some change for a bag of chips"

me-sorry dude i have no change, i have a credit card at the bar

"i just need $20 to get on me feet, fresh pack of smakes and a warm meal"

me-dude i have nothing

he asked for things in the progressively opposite order, from a puff of a smoke to $20? what the hell?

really bad standup comedy at my voting precinct

so as i was waiting in line to vote today, a husky man wearing a cheerios t-shirt came up behind me. This man proceeded to deliver to awful quick jokes about the election.

Joke #1 (he nudges me in the back and said) "hey man, did you hear there is a guy on the ballot named Tim Horton? I think i might fill a write in against him......(slight pause) DUNKIN DONUTS!" he then laghed real hard, making me crack up too.

Joke #2 (he is using the machine right behind me and after a minute he loudly says) "Dude, check it out...sheerod BROWN, angela WHITE, ken BLACKwell....is this a box of crayola or an ohio voters ballot?"


after reading this my overall question to you is....whick joke is better?