Jackass Lite

Last night i had a few drinks in me and i was thinking about the movie Jackass 2. I was at my computer desk, wherein i saw 2 thumbtacks laying on my desk. I thought, what is it like to sit on a thumbtack? so... i put one on my seat, and sat on it, nothing happened because i was wearing jeans, and it was one of those real small thumbtacks as pictured above. So, i dropped my jeans, and did it again, this time it worked. Let me tell you, it hurts really bad for a few seconds, then it doesnt hurt until you pull it out, then it hurts like a bitch if you sit down on that spot, and i sit down all day at work...shit!

kitty litter

So i was ordering a drink at Carabar last night, and well.....lets just say an extemely flamBOYant male started flailing his arms in the air and said "excuse me bartender, excuse me... where is the kitty litter?" the bartender said "ahhhh what?" the guy said "WHERE IS THE KITTY LITTER" he then started to jog in place like he was about to pee his pants....


i thought this was hilarious, kitty litter = gay men's bathroom

safety first, accident second

so i was driving northbound on indianola and as i went through the intersection of north broadway, this total dumb-asshole pulls right out of burger king and smashes directly into the car in front of me. I pull over as a witness, and wait on the sidewalk. This guy gets out of his Ford escort with sunglasses, a large drink, and a somewhat wet polo shirt. He walks over to the other guy, who is extremely irritated, and says "sorry man, i totally didnt see you, i was buckling up my seatbelt, when i pulled out into you" I said "hey, if you guys need a witness...." the guy sucks a long sip out of his mostly empty soft drink and says "I dont think that will be necessary, ill take full blame for this one" So, I walked back over to my car, and as i drove away i looked back over and he was taking another fucking sip from his nearly empty beverage. What an idiot.... he not only causes an accident while putting on a seatbelt, (which defeats the purpose)...but he had the nerve to take long annoying sips out of his half spilled on himself drink, while he admits to how much of an asswipe he is

if you think im immature now

last time i went to visit my parents i found an old folder from high school with a few of my old papers. This particular paper was deemed inappropriate, and i recieved a 0 out of 15. I believe it was supposed to be a summary of a story we read about Ulysses S. Grant. This proves i have matured a little bit since high school

tranlation:

I think it is "butt spanking"
hilarious, you know just the thought
of Ulysses S. Grant "piss" drunk.
The battle of Gettysburg was just
another reason to drink for
the General which is not what
you would expect. One of the most
important battles in American History
and Ulysses is not sober. The only
war here is in Grant's liver. It
is symbolic of our country today
that our brave men our led by
some drunk idiot.

P.O.S. (and some dumb stick figure, i have no idea what that meant or why its there)

*if you can't read the words she circled, they are: "butt spanking" and "piss"

gas stAtion love

Today i was at a gas staion at north broadway and 71. When i walked up to the counter there was this redneck scratching off instant lotto tickets to the side of the register. When i approached the counter, the lady working said "we got a customer, do you need any more scratch offs?" at that point he looked over and said "well, hell i'll scratch off your shirt for another doller!" she was flattered and said "awe, shoot, you dont mean that"


but i think he did, and i think she liked it