handfinger?

About 2 years ago, i discovered that the person who lived across the hallway from dave "turco" gura was a fellow by the name of Ben Handfinger. The first time i read his name card on the mailbox i chuckled. Turco immediately shushed me, and said "ben handfinger is a great guy, do not laugh at his last name, it is not funny, please do not laugh!" Ever since then, when we walked by the mailbox, he wold block it from my view to avoid the possible scenario of me getting a little laugh. Well, one night, and a few mixed drinks later, i went to dave's apartment and snagged this address card from the mailbox, because i think the word handfinger is funny.....and yes dave, he is a cool guy.

who's the bigger asshole?

here is my new game, where we take lame/immature/studid/shitty things that i do, and compare them to shitty things my friends do. You, the reader gets to decide who the bigger asshole was, and post your opinion

scenario: adam anderson and i split a pizza, there are 5 slices left.

i decide to pick out 2 slices, and give adam the remaining 3. He makes a fuss, so i quickly protect my picks by licking the 2 slices. adam, seems to calm down as he wraps his slices in foil. , suddenly he reaches over and sticks his thumb in one of my slices and walks out the door. what a ????

re-cap: jeff licked to slices, kinda immature.......... anderson ruins one of my two slices like an asshole

Kool Aid Stand-Off

So I was driving through Muirfield (an esteemed community in Dublin) when i saw a little kid( 8 years old) manning a Kool-Aid stand. Being thirsty and supportive of his efforts i pulled over to the side of the road. I opened my door and grabbed $.35 form the little change dish and walked over to the stand. I said hey man I'll take a cup (4 oz. dixie cup) of whatever good flavor you have today. I handed him the $.35 (assuming it was $.25), he said "sorry it's $.50" i said "are you serious? well here's $.35 i'll take a half a cup" he said "sorry i only have 3 cups left" and refused my $.35. That might be the most embarrassing moment of my life, and the biggest future prick i will ever come across. What a little shit!

Lets clear the air here

Okay, so recently a friend of mine (lets call him Tony) went in my room to use my computer, he came out of the room with a smirk o his face, he looked at me and started to laugh. He said "hey i noticed kleenex and lotion on your computer desk"
Well, first of all, its the only desk i have in my room, therefore, a great place to have lotion and/or kleenex. Secondly, if you notice in the picture, there is also a toothbrush and a little ceramic chicken; do i use those items to masterbate with too? I don't think so. Bottom line, i have dry hands so i use lotion alot, but since i have kleenex too, i need to be careful about placing the 2 items near eachother to avoid embarassment!

phatlip

well the CDR cookout #3, really left a lasting impression on me, i mean my lip!

Why i have terrible game: Part 2

So, last thursday i did a late night Bodega stop. I sat next to a cute girl at the bar and started up some small talk. She seemed slightly annoyed but went along with it. So, this drunk guy walks by and stumbles, sending his beer across the bar. I look over at the girl and say "did you see that UFB?" she say,"whats a UFB?" I say "an unidentified flying beer" at that point i begin to laugh pretty hard. She gives me a blank expression and immediately strikes up a conversation with the guy sitting on her other side.