Phil Goldberg look-a-like

tell me this guy doesn't have a striking resemblence to Phil Goldberg

post office customers

How come when you wait in line at the post office, about 1 out of every 10 people take forever, or 10% of the people in the post office line account for 98% of the time you wait in line??

the hottest berry

I always thought halle berry was hot, and i believe she was at her hottest in the Bond movie "Die Another Day"

try this

hey everybody, try and post a message correctly using a semicolon!

the Ohio DUI plates

i was talking with some friends last night, and we thought it would be funny if the people who got those yellow DUI plates could get them personalized to say things like
HAMMRD WASTED PARTYL8 BOOZER BEERGRL WSKYBOY JAGERMR etc....

popcorn dum dums

I just had a flashback to the worst thing i ever had in my mouth.....a Buttered Popcorn flavored dum dum. I decided to do i little research and make sure these things are no longer in existence....here is what i found

1924 Dum Dum Pops® were invented in 1924.
1953 Dum Dum Pops 7 original flavors: lemon, lime, orange, coconut-pineapple, cherry, grape, and butterscotch.
1953 8th flavor was added - root beer.
1954 9th flavor was added - strawberry.
1955 10th flavor was added - chocolate.
1960 Chocolate was dropped and banana was added.
1961 Root beer was dropped and raspberry was added.
1966 Chocolate was added and banana dropped.
1966 lemon, coconut-pineapple, butterscotch, lime, strawberry, grape, chocolate, orange, cherry, and raspberry.
1968 Black cherry, cream soda, and root beer added and raspberry was dropped.
1970 Coconut-pineapple was dropped and pineapple was added. Black cherry was dropped.
1975 Chocolate was dropped and raspberry was added.
1982 Raspberry was dropped and watermelon added.
1987 Peach was added.
1991 Lime was dropped and Sour Apple added.
1995 Raspberry was dropped and Blu raspberry was added.

(here is the sorry year of buttered popcorn)

2001 Lemon, orange, and Sour Apple were dropped and Orange Cream, Fruit Punch, and Buttered Popcorn were added.


(same year it was introduced, it was retired)

2001 Buttered Popcorn is sent "on vacation" and Sour Apple returns by popular demand.
2002 Chocolate, Bubble Gum, and Cotton Candy are added to the assortment. Orange Cream, Fruit Punch, and Peach will go
on vacation.
2005 Dum Dum Pops expand to 16 flavors! added new flavors Cherry Cola and Pink Lemonade! . We have added Coconut-
Pineapple (first introduced in 1953) and Banana (first introduced in 1960).

don't you dare order a milkshake

I love it when UDF has the $.99 milkshake sale, however i hate the guilt they serve with the shake. No matter what the situation is....they will make you feel like a dick for ordering it. If the place is completely dead and the cashier is filling out a crossword puzzle, they will roll their eyes and make you feel like you asked them to donate a kidney. If the place is busy, and you go up to the register empty handed, they will give you a look that says, you better not order a fucking shake. If you order a shake and there is a small line forming behind you, the UDF emplyee will take their sweet time, so everyone in the line behind you knows they are waiting because you decided to order a fucking milkshake!

summer job of 1999 series part 4

Not much of a story about this guy. I met him only once, he was repairing a sewage line underneath the high school. He left an impression on me, as quite simply the filthiest man i have ever met in my life. You could actually see the stink coming off this guy.

summer job of 1999 series part 3

Every day this guy came into work and set 2 cold cans of Pepsi down on the table by the time clock, and drank them at lunch when they were warm. One hot morning I decided to drink one of his cans while it was still cold. I placed the empty can back on the table, with a note that said thanks! When he came back from lunch, he got so pissed off he flipped the table over and threw the empty can at us. He started screaming, but in between screams he cracked open the other can and was drinking it. We laughed so hard that he threatened to kick all of our asses, if nobody would fess up. I fessed up, and had to buy him a twelve pack of Pepsi.

summer job of 1999 series part 2

A big part of the job was moving stuff around to diffrent schools, to do this we used a huge yellow truck. None of the summer help kids were old enough to drive this truck because you need a CDL (commercial drivers license), which is where the "aussie" up top came into play. He was a real son of a bitch, and quit after day number one. I always thought he looked like a Koala bear, which is reflected in the drawing. With the aussie's unexpected departure, a lady named Brenda stepped in. On her first day of work she gave us a speech about herself informing us that she was a former school bus driver, truck driver, motorcyclist...you name it, she could drive it!

summer job of 1999 series

In the summer of 1999, i had a summer job working as a custodial-maintanance assistant in a Cleveland suburban school district. That summer i met many funny characters, and here are some old drawings of them i have recovered.....

we will start off with my supervisor Joe Gauker, he had the ultimate "napolean complex" nobody ever listened to him because he looked like a child

my favorite dolly parton joke

I remember when Dolly Parton jokes were popular. My personal fav was always.........What can you find between dolly Parton's boobs?

Answer: Mountain dew

slug

So i was at this party tonight and i went to the side of a garage to take a piss. There was a slug on the garage and i decided to piss on it. After about 30 seconds it fell to the ground, so i re-directed my stream upon the slug. I really think i killed the slug with urine, and to be honest...i feel like a dick! Why would someone do something like that?