a tale of 4 bums
tonight on my walk home from Surly Girl comedy night, i ran into 4 bums. Each with their own story/style
bum #1 "that fucking guy who always runs out of gas in the same UDF parking lot"
Come on man, you run out of gas at least three times a week, in the same fucking spot! Look at the needle, or put more than 15 cents worth of gas in the tank and maybe you will get your car out of that 2 block radius!
bum #2 "that fucking guy with really bad luck, but all he really needs is a cigarette"
This dude has a dog and has been riding on a story for at least 2 years about how his house burned down and his dog saved his life. Well, tonight his story takes another sad twist. He has been living in his truck for the past 2 years and the truck got stolen and he lost all his stuff, including his cigarettes. What a bullshit segway into bumming a cigarette. Man they took everything i got, EVEN MY SMOKES MAN! CAN I GET A SMOKE, FUCK ALL THE OTHER SHIT I LOST!
bum #3 "the fresh start guy"
This guy told me he just got out of jail and all he needs is some change to get a fresh start. How is 35 cents gonna get you on the right track? I said "sorry man i got nothing" He said ""man fuck that" He was also wearing a ballcap with silver guns and dollar signs all over it.... and if you just got out of jail, dont wear a hat with guns on it, sport some peace symbols or something
bum #4 "the classic"
My personal favorite. No bullshit story or attitude. A man sitting down with an unkempt beard and a pair of trousers with "great depression style" patches on them. As i walked by he tipped his derby hat to me and said "change?" I took out my change and dropped it in his hat, cuz thats the way i like my bums.
5 Comments:
yeah dude, walking from our house to Surly Girl is bum hike central. I have never in the past ten years of living in columbus been pestered so much on a walk to somewhere. I would rather drunk drive than deal with that bullshit ever again.
-Carter
It's really strange. In Santa Monica they only have the "Classic" bum. None of that other shit--the way it ought to be. Patches.
in cleveland, post indians game, we ran across "who let the tribe out" singing bum. he was awesome.
Classic man classic. But you didn't run into the "No nonsense" bum you know the guy that's like "Hey man I am not gonna lie to you I just want to get fucked up."
Re: Bum #3, how old was he? Perhaps he's been in jail since the 1890s or something and isn't aware of economic factors such as inflation or the lack of rent control.
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