came up with a new expression for a "bj" tonight

For some reason i was thinking about a new way to say blow job tonight.....

the result: Oral Johnson

if you like it, try and use it next time it is relavent

Scenes from a Car Window

As I drive around with driving students, occasionally i see something really funny. I noticed this sign on the corner of 161 and Sawmill Rd. Luckily, we were stopped at a red light so i was able to snap a picture. I did research and found out "schwetty" is not an actual golf ball company, so this was just a good old fashioned sign letter switch-a-roo.

Here is a closer look!

The Sounds of Speedway

I was in line at the Speedway on Weber Rd..... This big construction guy walks out of the restroom and yells to the cashier "Hey bubba, Im sorry man, but your little white monster is choking to death on my turd." "I couldnt find a plunger, and i gotta go back to the site." I never saw somebody frown like that cahier in my life.

You'e Got Game, the Cup O' Joe edition

Hanging outside on a beautiful day at Clintonville Cup O' Joe. I am drinking ice coffee at a table kitty corner to a gorgeous girl. This Dousche Bag walks up to the patio with his wild ass dog, and just kinda lets go of the leash. The dog runs straight towards the gorgeous girl and immediately jumps up on her and starts sniffin' and a lickin' her. He slowly walks over with a smile on his face and says "Beep Beep Beep.... Im sorry, i taught my dog to fetch me beautiful women, and he's good, real good." "By the way, my name is Todd."



YOU'VE GOT GAME

Ears and Eyes of the Bar: part 1

As a barkeep i tend to overhear many snippets of conversation, and once in awhile what i hear is downright silly. Here are 3 examples from the past two days.

1. (3 CCAD students having a beer after class) "Do you guys agree the only woman in your life who is realistic and trustworthy is your mom?" (the others agreed with enthusiasm

2. (3 women having a drink after work) "Oh my, that dragonfly pin really spices up your outfit, you look wild at heart!"

3. (creepy guy 6 blue moons deep) "I wish women were more like children" (uncomfortable silence, as we wait for an explanation) "You know children wont leave you after 4 years to fuck some other guy!"

Now thats resourceful!

So....... Today I had a few extra minutes so I parked my drivers ed car behind the Whetstone library and went for a walk over by the tennis courts. Thats when i saw the smartest tennis player i have ever met. He was practicing by himself on the courts, with his fine golden retreiver. He would practice a serve, and his dog woul;d run after the ball, and bring it back to him. PERFECT. So, I said to him, "Wow! you got an amazing system down!" Out of breath he shouted back, "ya man, it sure beats playing with my nagging as hell wife, and the dog gets some excercise!"

I don't know how many times

I don't know how many times, I have had a "ditsy" high school girl respond to this question with this type of answer.

me "so what type of car have you been practicing your driving in?"

student "red"
or
student "black"
or
student "blue"

so today the girl said "blue" this happens on a fairly regular basis. You can at least tell me the make of the car, i know that the year and model can be pushing it for some people, but SERIOSLY! DONT REFER TO THE TYPE OF CAR YOU DRIVE BY ITS FUCKING COLOR!!!

guess what i saw in the bathroom?

On saturday afternoon, a friend of mine was visiting from Cleveland. We decided to knock down a couple-a beers.... what better place to start then the short north tavern? Also going on this saturday afternoon was a lesbian short north st. patty's weekend pub crawl. The bar was loaded with loaded women in green attire. After beer number 2 i had to "break the seal" so i rushed to the water closet. When i opened the bathrom door i was stunned to see a heavier set women in a sparkling green derby hat squatting down with butt pressed against the urinal back directly facing me. My jaw dropped as i saw more then i needed to see. She laughed and said "whats the matter, you've never seen a women use a urinal before?" i said "well... no, i never would of thought." she pulled up her pants and casually flushed the urinal and replied "well, get used to it, HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!"