The Great 2007 Post-It Note Dilemma

A few minutes ago, I was finalizing my plans to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow. I usually spend a few minutes making an assessment of the items that I need on the night before I go there and list them on a Post-It note. I then stick the Post-It in my wallet, right in front of my driver's license, just to make sure that I do not somehow end up wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles of the store on the following day, no longer sure of what I'm there for, only to end up buying a dozen boxes of Grape Nuts. Hey, I love Grape Nuts as much as the next guy, but I don't really need any of them right now.

One of the items that I need is a fresh pack of Post-It notes. I'm totally out. I don't have a single Post-It note left. Not even one Post-It note to remind me that I need more Post-It notes.

Dammit!

What's a guy to do?

Never underestimate the power of Spam.

I probably get way more Spam in my inbox than the average bear, only because I've never really taken any precautionary measures to download any sort of a filter for it. As a result, I have to spend about 10 seconds a day sifting through stuff that had been sent to me by random unknown parties, which remain unopened, deleted, and cast into the void. Not the biggest hassle in the world.

I hate to admit it, but in a somewhat scary way, this was one piece of junk email that did happen to spark my interest.

Let's consider their points.

1) Cuts from the side.

Yeah. I've used a fair amount of can openers in my time. In my experience, almost all of them do that, even the one that I bought at the dollar store, for, well, a dollar.

2) No sharp edges.

That's great and all, but my favorite part of that one is the picture. I've never really had a problem with having the sharp lid of a can on its way into the trash being in danger of hitting and popping a nearby balloon.

3) Lid pops back.

See point #1.

Here's what made me open this email in the first place.

The subject of it read exactly like this:

"the last can opener you'll ever want"

Yeah, it says something similar to that in the ad, but just to be receiving an email with that as a subject...

It sounded like a threat.

It seemed as though if I were not to buy their can opener, the first thing that would happen is that someone would show up at my front door to break all of the bones in my feet.

Whatever would have been to happen next...

I don't wanna know.

I live 6 blocks away from White Castle. Is this a blessing or a curse?

Last night was the fifth time in the past week that I have eaten at White Castle. And today was the fifth day in the past week that I have stepped onto the scale, only to notice, much to my dismay, that I am a pound heavier.

Coincidence? I think not.

The lonely Maytag repairman strikes again.

Here he was then.

Here he is now.

And here he is at some point in between.