Never underestimate the power of Spam.

I probably get way more Spam in my inbox than the average bear, only because I've never really taken any precautionary measures to download any sort of a filter for it. As a result, I have to spend about 10 seconds a day sifting through stuff that had been sent to me by random unknown parties, which remain unopened, deleted, and cast into the void. Not the biggest hassle in the world.

I hate to admit it, but in a somewhat scary way, this was one piece of junk email that did happen to spark my interest.

Let's consider their points.

1) Cuts from the side.

Yeah. I've used a fair amount of can openers in my time. In my experience, almost all of them do that, even the one that I bought at the dollar store, for, well, a dollar.

2) No sharp edges.

That's great and all, but my favorite part of that one is the picture. I've never really had a problem with having the sharp lid of a can on its way into the trash being in danger of hitting and popping a nearby balloon.

3) Lid pops back.

See point #1.

Here's what made me open this email in the first place.

The subject of it read exactly like this:

"the last can opener you'll ever want"

Yeah, it says something similar to that in the ad, but just to be receiving an email with that as a subject...

It sounded like a threat.

It seemed as though if I were not to buy their can opener, the first thing that would happen is that someone would show up at my front door to break all of the bones in my feet.

Whatever would have been to happen next...

I don't wanna know.