Christmas is a time for giving the finger.
I spent the afternoon of my Christmas Eve at Wal-Mart Supercenter. I didn't have any last-minute Christmas shopping to do, but I was out of rice cakes and getting really fucking hungry. Plus, I just like to go to Wal-Mart Supercenter because the guy whose job it is to stand at the entrance and say, "Hi, Welcome To Wal-Mart" has a really awesome hairpiece. But he wasn't there this time, and for some reason, the lines there were much longer than usual, but I wasn't about to let it put a damper on my holiday spirit.
So I drove home and parked my car in the driveway next to the alley behind my house. As I was getting out of my car, a somewhat ragged-looking gentleman carrying a gas can approached me. He said, "Excuse me sir, I'm not a panhandler or anything, I just ran out of gas up the street, I was wondering if you could help me out."
Being Christmas Eve and all, I probably would have given him some change if he weren't using the old bullshit gas can approach. I said, "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me". Then came the best part.
He asks, "Hey, do you eat at Subway? I have a twenty-five dollar Subway gift card, I'll sell it to you for five bucks". I then pretty much repeated what I had already said to him before, and he replied, "Okay, thanks, merry Christmas", and walked off.
So it would have been one thing if I would have believed that he was going to buy gas with whatever money I'd have given him instead of putting it towards a bottle of Strawberry Kiwi Mad Dog 20/20, but if I would have fallen for the gift card deal, not only would he have stolen my five dollars, but I'd have to deal with feeling like a total douchebag going into Subway, making the employees go through the rigorous process of throwing together a turkey breast sub with extra cucumbers and no mayonnaise, only to be told that the gift card I'm trying to use is invalid because it was stolen instead of being bought and activated at the register.
I only got home about an hour ago, and that guy is probably still in the vicinity. I don't have a violent bone in my body, but I'm toying with the notion of tracking him down, kicking him in the balls, and shoving the nozzle of that gas can right up his ass.
Merry fucking Christmas to you too, asshole.
So I drove home and parked my car in the driveway next to the alley behind my house. As I was getting out of my car, a somewhat ragged-looking gentleman carrying a gas can approached me. He said, "Excuse me sir, I'm not a panhandler or anything, I just ran out of gas up the street, I was wondering if you could help me out."
Being Christmas Eve and all, I probably would have given him some change if he weren't using the old bullshit gas can approach. I said, "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me". Then came the best part.
He asks, "Hey, do you eat at Subway? I have a twenty-five dollar Subway gift card, I'll sell it to you for five bucks". I then pretty much repeated what I had already said to him before, and he replied, "Okay, thanks, merry Christmas", and walked off.
So it would have been one thing if I would have believed that he was going to buy gas with whatever money I'd have given him instead of putting it towards a bottle of Strawberry Kiwi Mad Dog 20/20, but if I would have fallen for the gift card deal, not only would he have stolen my five dollars, but I'd have to deal with feeling like a total douchebag going into Subway, making the employees go through the rigorous process of throwing together a turkey breast sub with extra cucumbers and no mayonnaise, only to be told that the gift card I'm trying to use is invalid because it was stolen instead of being bought and activated at the register.
I only got home about an hour ago, and that guy is probably still in the vicinity. I don't have a violent bone in my body, but I'm toying with the notion of tracking him down, kicking him in the balls, and shoving the nozzle of that gas can right up his ass.
Merry fucking Christmas to you too, asshole.
posted by sean /// LINK TO
POST
RSS Feed
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home