Tales From The Storage Unit, Part 2: The Vengeance Of Gargamel

I was digging through a heap of my old stuff today and here are a few things that I was pleasantly surprised to come across:

My bank mailed this very informative pamphlet to me circa 1998. It offers a very comforting explanation of why it was unnecessary for me to empty out my checking account prior to the stroke of midnight that was to ring in the current millennium. It goes on about how, in 1995, they "began formal preparation with the formation of a corporate-wide, cross-functional project team", and a bunch of other bullshit. I used to read it for comfort whenever I would feel a tinge of pre-millennium anxiety kicking in. During the final days of the nineties, it proved to be invaluably therapeutic.

Here's my Smurfs Rubik's Cube.

It's just like a standard traditional Rubik's Cube, only it has a bunch of Smurfs all over it. The Smurfs on the two sides shown here seem to be having a grand 'ol time, while the one on top trying to ski is in a world of shit. Sucks to be him.

I stole this sign from the men's room of a nice outdoorsy restaurant in Sarasota, Florida about ten years ago.

I really like how the sign had to be altered with the handwritten additions. And some of the seagulls in the area must have periodically taken shelter in the bathroom, hence the bird crap all over it.

Then again, it could be paint. Or even White-Out.

My new addiction is not without its price.

I've been eating great deal of sunflower seeds lately. After A few days of enjoying them nonstop, I've come to develop a pretty nasty raw patch about the spot of my tongue on which I unshell the seeds.

It hurts like a bitch.

Hurry up, willya, I'm gettin' hungry.

I was all about to tell you about this kickass ketchup sandwich that I had for brunch today, when I suddenly realized that I've been talking an awful lot about food lately, and it just might be about time to shift gears and stop thinking with my stomach. Hopefully, by next time, I'll come up with something else to talk about. A few ideas that come to mind include the internal combustion engine, the life and times of Telly Savalas, or maybe even...

Fuck!

I'm outta Gummi Bears again.

Check ya later.

I've taken my first step into a larger world.

I went to Chipotle yesterday, armed to the teeth with a hankerin' for one of their delicious barbacoa burritos. I've been trying to stay away from the cheese lately, for reasons we'll discuss later. But in a moment of weakness, I went ahead and asked for cheese to be included in the fixins.

As I sat and dug into my scrumptious Mexican treat, I pondered the necessity of adding cheese to my burrito, when there are so many other wonderful ingredients included in the mix that you can't even really tell that it's in there. I decided that the next time I eat at Chipotle, I would make a daring move and ask them to hold the cheese.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't eat the whole damn thing, so I wrapped up the 1/3 of the burrito that was left, took it home, and threw it into the fridge to enjoy at a later date. That later date turned out to be tonight! Only this time was different from any other time that I have ever enjoyed leftover Chipotle. This time, I actually displayed a great deal of patience by heating it up in the microwave instead of eating it cold in a drunken stupor in the middle of the night.

This was seriously the best leftover Chipotle ever, if not the most amazing leftover meal of all time. The ingredients were piping hot. The tortilla shell was nice and crispy around the edges. But the greatest part of all was that the cheese was a vital part of the burrito for the first time ever. Maybe because this time, it was melted! As I would take a bite, the cheese would actually stretch in between the burrito and my mouth, much like in the commercial for that Taco Bell cheesy something or other, which I've had, and the shit ain't like that.

As a result of this astounding revelation, I have changed my mind. I will proudly ask for cheese to be a primary part of each and every one of my Chipotle burritos from this day forward.

Just thought you might wanna know.

Never underestimate the power of soup.

I've been spending the past couple of days visiting with some family in the lovely town of Chattanooga, Tennessee. And when I say that the town is lovely, I'm not being the slightest bit sarcastic. The only problem with the place is that the most productive thing to do there is to hang out at the health food store and eat free samples of their scrum-diddly-umptious soups.

I hung out at the store and diligently devoured their succulent soups until I was asked to leave. Seeing as how this was a question, my answer was a resounding "No". Shortly thereafter, I was TOLD to leave. So there I was, out on the street with a belly full of delicious, healthy soup. There are worse things that could happen in life.

Speaking of healthy food, Chattanooga's claim to fame is that it is the home of the annual Krystal Square-Off, during which athletes from around the globe compete in a contest to eat as many Krystal burgers as possible in the shortest amount of time. I wish I could have been there for this.

Better luck next time.