S:BWWEXXIV: Wags reviews Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks' "Real Emotional Trash" in real time AKA happy rememberings weekend!

The last time we two spoke, I was telling you why I am good and the last Pavement record is bad. I promised you a real-time revu of the newest Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks record, “Real Emotional Trash”, and that is what you get today. If you haven’t figured out the embarrassingly simple formula, this is what a real-time revu consists of: I listen to the record in its entirety and write the things that come into my head at the same time. I may not be the first person ever to do this, but I do claim to be. So there’s that. The difference between this revu and the last one is that, while I had heard “Terror Twilight” some nine years previously, I have not yet heard this new SM record. I’ve had it for a number of weeks, and I’ve been saving it for a special occasion. Since a special occasion has yet to reveal itself to me, I’ll just go ahead and do this now. Are you ready (like I care)? Let’s go.

Dragonfly Pie
Good boogie rockin’! This is heavy stuff, right off the bat. Gets really Malky right about at the minute mark. Whimsical chorus, followed by a fuzz guitar solo. I like this tune. It’s got real swagger. The words are pretty stupid, but that’s never really bothered me before. Kind of comes with the territory. People say this is jam-bandy? Definitely good stoner rock. Too rockin’ to be jam-bandy.

Hopscotch Willy
Here Steve is telling us a story about Hopscotch Willy. Something about being set up, maybe? I’m not really following the narrative. Janet Weiss is a good fit for the Jicks. Her style of drumming really beefs this music up. Here we have another guitar solo. I say, keep ‘em coming, Steve! Less talky, more rocky! Alright, the solo is getting a little indulgent, and we’re only at the halfway mark. Here’s a part that sounds like the Doors. Except for the stupid chant. I know I’ve got some incense around here somewhere. Groovy, mang. This song is almost over, and now it is.

Cold Son
I hope it’s about a “Cold One”, that sounds real good right now. Sweet synth line. This is the first straight-up pop tune on the record. I really like the chorus. Even more synth! This should be on the radio (is it?). This is the winner, so far. At the risk of jinxing it, I’m gonna say I like this record so far. This song ends stupidly.

Real Emotional Trash
Hoo boy. Ten minutes, huh? Good thing I like long songs. I really should be smoking pot, but I write even worse when I’m stoned. I’m giving up an enjoyable experience for the sake of objectivity. Aren’t I mature? OK. Something about “Daddy’s on the run”. Here’s a guitar solo, just over 3 minutes in. This song meanders a little too much for me. I should’ve clarified: I like long songs in the “prog” style, wherein lots of different things happen and things take unexpected turns. I think that’s one reason they called it “prog”. Because it rhymes with “frog”. Nothing much is happening here. It’s getting faster, though. Now it is doing the same thing it was earlier, only faster. Only 3 minutes left. I need another guitar solo, please. Or a narrative sung from the point of view of a lawnmower. Now that would be “prog”. OK, now I get the jam-band comparisons. I’m getting a definite Allman Brothers vibe from this tune. Now we get the drawn-out ending. I can roll with that. It’s pretty.

Out Of Reaches
Pavementy. Nothing surprising about that. This recording was engineered very well. Sonically, I’ve got nothing to complain about. Who did this? Who is TJ Doherty? Well, done, sir. Another chorus that really floors me. I’m a sucker for a good pop song. The liner notes say that it was recorded at Foxtrot studio. That’s the name of a Genesis album. Coincidence? Almost definitely. More solos! I hear Janet Weiss singing! Her voice is unmistakable (anyone else out there love Quasi like I do?).

Baltimore
That’s Janet Weiss singing again, you can count on it. This is a good, shufflin’ tune. Oh yes, I would definitely recommend this record to a friend. There’s just as much proggy stuff as jammy stuff (and the difference between the two, while sometimes hard to discern, means everything to someone like me). This is a prog rock tune. I fuckin’ dig it. Now it’s like Steppenwolf on a candy binge. This is the most adventurous and pleasing SM song to come down the pike in ages, if you ask me. “Prog” also rhymes with “blog”. Coincidence? Almost definitely not. This is my new theme song, dudesssss. I just turned up the volume. Can you tell?

Gardenia
Some good anglophile pop. Great “bop bop” background vocals. This is a shameless pop song, and there’s nothing wrong with that. This should be on the radio too (is it?). This being a Jicks record, there’s a just-noticeable fuzz guitar right at the right parts. This is the feel-good hit of the summer. Write that down in your book. And it’s under three minutes long!

Elmo Delmo
Proggy right from the start, like late period GBV (stealing all the right ideas without turning everyone off but being just obvious enough to give away the influence). This is also very adventurous. It gets even more interesting about 2 minutes in. This is a fucking Genesis song! Great job! I don’t know if you can tell, but this kind of rock music really gets me off. Sexually. I’m talking Boner City. Me and this song are totally getting a room. OK, it’s not a Genesis song anymore. Which I guess is a good thing.

We Can’t Help You
There are a shit-ton of keyboards on this record. Good. This sounds very tame, coming after the last few songs. More girls singing. This is a pretty tune. Movie Film Directors take note: this might be a good choice for an end-credits song. It’s got that “resolution sound” that I imagine you all talk about. Or did I make that up. I guess I made that up.

Wicked Wanda
I love the sound of fuzz guitars. I also love the sound of the Mellotron, real, fake, or fake-real. I’m going to get high and listen to this record, real soon. If this record were a car, I would want to drive it fast with the windows down. If this record were a building, I would want to meet the people inside. If this record wasn’t over, I’d still be thinking up dumb shit to say about it.

Verdict: I like this record very much. I haven’t been so excited about an SM record since ?????? More, please.

Hey. What’s everyone doing tonite? I’ve just bought a brand new synthesizer (Roland SH 201 – costs a little more than a MicroKorg, about twice as big with better sounds, no vocoder though), so I’ll be making some wicked prog rock with my 4-track unless anyone has any better ideas. Kool Robbie? Carter? Ogsie? Strummy? Sam? Fern? Heywood Jablome?

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