Original Programming

I’ve been chewing on a lot of these television-related ideas for several days, if not a good week or so, and I figured now is as good a time as any to get them off my chesticles. I will do so in three distinct acts.

Act I.

The Sopranos Finale

Okay, I guess if you haven’t seen it, you may want to skip this paragraph.

The fact is, I haven’t watched this show on any regular basis since probably season two or three. Shit, I don’t even know what season this is for them, but I was still interested in watching the series finale as much as the next guy. I realize it’s sort of like reading the last page of a book before you finish it, but I was curious and I knew either way I probably wasn’t gonna read the book anyway. Bottom-line, I’m totally cool with the ending. I know a lot of people wanted it to end in some big shoot-em up bloodbath, but I thought the ending made sense on a couple of levels. First of all, the cut to black is essentially a cliffhanger. This gives them the opportunity, should they desire, to come back in a few years with a Sopranos movie -- which could be cool. Also, the ending gives us room to debate the demise (or not) of Tony and the family. Did the shady guy come out of the bathroom and start shooting up the place? Was Tony shot the moment he looked up and that’s why it went black? Did he just look up because Meadow had come through the door and they had their dinner and lived happily ever after? Lots of room for discussion here and I like that. I don’t always need the neat and tidy ending. But, maybe that’s just me.

Act II.

Summer TV

Now, I know this is the time of the year when you’re supposed to be out playing pick-up basketball games with your loser friends, but let’s face it, summer is fucking hot. That means a great deal of us will opt for a pick-up game with a nice cold Löwenbräu and the boober toober. It’s with this in mind I offer you a few thoughts I have on the summer television schedule.

Several of my favorite new shows return for a second season. This includes Big Love (premieres June 11 on HBO), Weeds (Aug. 13; Showtime) and, um, okay, well, Big Love and Weeds. But, that’s exciting enough because both of these shows are totally sweet. The only thing that might make these shows even sweeter is if they melted together and Paxson brought Mary-Louise Parker into his Utah fold. She could totally make bank selling weed to Roman.

Anyway, besides these two sure bets there are several new shows that look somewhat intriguing. For example: Californication (Aug. 13; Showtime). This is the new David Duchovny vehicle of which he says, “It’s the kind of adult comedy I’ve been searching for and think I can do well. It’s interesting to take a character who’s really unlikable and sell his lows as being real and funny.” Story of my life!

Meadowlands (June 17; Showtime) and John From Cincinnati (June 10; HBO) are two more cable TV series that look promising. Both of these tackle dysfunctional communities -- from the witness protection program to the supernatural surfer lifestyle -- with an odd twist. And the latter co-stars Luke Perry! Fuckin’ eh, dude!

I can’t decide yet if I am interested in this Flight of the Conchords (June 17; HBO) which is being described by many critics as Tenacious D with kiwi accents. I guess I’ll tune in this Sunday night and make some sort of decision. Stay tuned.

There are some more shows I’m supposed to care about, but I just don’t. These might include: Damages (July 24; FX) starring Glenn Close, Top Chef (June 13; Bravo), The Closer (June 18; TNT) with Kyra Sedgwick and Monk (July 13; USA).

Plus, a whole slew of idiotic reality programming that just looks absolutely terrible: Shaq’s Big Challenge (June 26; ABC – okay, this might be sweet, I’ve seen Kazaam, but still...), Big Brother 8 (July TBA; CBS), The “Fucking” Hills (Aug. TBA; MTV), America’s Got Talent (June 5; NBC), American Inventor (June 6; ABC), Mission: Man Band (Aug. 6; VH1) and Last Comic Standing (June 13; NBC). All of these shows should be taken out back and shot to death repeatedly. Axe’em all and put Clark and Michael on TV!

Oh, and holy shit! Paula Abdul has her own reality show on Bravo called Hey Paula (June 28) that producers are touting as a “docudrama”. I imagine it will be (un)interesting to watch this show, if nothing else, to see how they could ultimately describe it as anything but a sitcom.

Act III.

Bye-bye, Bob.

If you’re like me you grew up skipping school. This included an early morning array of blinky-fun game shows leading up to the early afternoon with Harry Caray and the Cubs game on WGN. Then, your friends got home and you went outside and played, but I digress. These game shows were your education. The Love Connection was your love connection. Wink Martindale was your Dad. Janice Pennington was your hot-ass Mom. And a certain Mister Bob Barker was your kind old grandpa pulling that bright and shiny Plinko chip out from behind your ear.

Tomorrow -- that’s Friday in America -- Bob Barker will take charge of his last Showcase Showdown. His 35-year run as host of The Price Is Right will sadly come to an end. That’s 6,586 episodes if you’re keeping score at home. I knew a girl from college who won the whole thing once -- including a brand new car! But, anyway, I urge all of you to take a moment to tune-in tomorrow and peep that silver fox with his skinny mic one last time. Kiss him on his cheek. Soak it all in. All things must pass.