To Sleep Is To Dream About Sleeping-In While Casually Farting In Your Sleep

It’s Monday the Grouch and after a long, party-filled weekend did you decide to no-call, no-show today? Or maybe walk-in, clock-in, walk-out, walk-home? Or perhaps walk-in, clock-out, cook-a-burrito-in-the-crusty-microwave, barf?

Anyway, the point is, today is officially the biggest "truancy" day of the year. You didn’t know that? That’s probably because you were absent that day.

Yes, the inconvenient truth is that the day after Oscar Sunday, again, affectionately known as "Monday the Grouch", is always a big loser for corporate America. Millions, if not hundreds, of poor-to-lazy workers go to bed Sunday night with stomachs full of waxy cheeses and box wine and when their outrageously beautiful Busby Berkeley dreams (starring Dame Judi Dench, of course) are interrupted by that damn irritating alarm clock honking them squarely back into the eternal damnation that is reality, well they say: "No thanks, Mister." Not today Chevrolet, not today.

So, what do they do with all that spare time? They watch TV, of course.

Gems like Judge Joe Brown. Eight is Enough. My Two Dads. Maury. They make drinking games out of it!

Except our friend Mr. Kevin Elliott who is probably watching the marathon of Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show (butt sober) on VH1 from 3-10PM today -- leading up to the season finale tonight!

But, besides him, it is we. And we just want to go back to bed. So, when your low-level congressman of a boss yells at you tomorrow for missing that big deadline, you tell him that Christopher Guest (For Your Consideration, Best in Show) has been tapped to direct the ABC comedy pilot In the Thick of It, a single-camera project based on a BBC series that revolves around workers in an office of a low-level congressman in Washington. That should throw him for a loop!

But, if for some odd reason that doesn’t work try sending him an email just after lunch that reads: "The Sarah Silverman Program has just been officially green-lit for a second season. :) xoxo"

If you need me, I’ll be dancing with the stars (James Cameron) at the Governor’s Balls (in my dreams).

P.S. What did you think of the Academy Awards last night?