In Theatres This Weekend... National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj

Remember when National Lampoon's meant you were in store for a really great, LOL Chevy Chase flick? Now National Lampoon’s means you’re in store for an unwatchable lame-omedy about some drunk college kids either A.) On a misguided road trip or B.) In another country where girls never wear bras. In either case, hilarity almost never ensues. Then of course you have scenario C.) National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, where you’re in store for a really bad movie about some drunk college kids on a misguided road trip in another country where girls never wear bras and Kumar never finds White Castle. And guess what? This Van Wilder character isn’t even in the movie. It’s like that time I rented Jeopardy for Sega Genesis. Alex Trabeck was on the cover, but he wasn’t in the fucking game.

Anyway, if you like spending money on crap film like this, please come give the money to me and I’ll punch you squarely in the nuts and/or berries. It’ll be funnier.

Why didn’t they just make Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle 2: The Worst Farts Ever?

National Lampoon’s Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj was directed by Mort Nathan (Boat Trip) and stars Kal Penn, Lauren Cohan, Daniel Percival, Glen Barry and Anthony Cozens.

Other stuff opening on Friday: Turistas, Christmas at Maxwell’s and The Nativity Story.

This Week in Rock & Roll TV: Nov 27 - Dec 3, 2006

Here's the line-up:

MON 27: Tom Waits on Letterman
MON 27: *The Hold Steady on Kimmel
MON 27: Jet on Conan
TUE 28: Tom Waits on The Daily Show
TUE 28: The Decemberists on Letterman
TUE 28: Snoop Dogg on Leno
WED 29: *Behind The Music- Pantera [VH1]
WED 29: My Morning Jacket on Conan
WED 29: Sparta on Craig Ferguson
THU 30: Dave Chapelle & Maya Angelou on Iconoclasts [SUND]
THU 30: Tenacious D on The Daily Show
THU 30: Jenny Lewis on Kimmel
FRI 1: Silversun Pickups on Letterman
FRI 1: Joseph Arthur on Craig Ferguson
FRI 1: The Rapture on Carson Daly
SAT 2: Matthew Fox & Tenacious D on SNL
SUN 3: Dirty On Purpose on Subterranean

* = Episode previously aired

Check local listings for show times and channels in your
area.

Discuss >>>

How Was Your Holiday Weekend?

Mine looked a lot like this, except the old knitting Grandma was me and the little kid was Sean Ewing and the game was Sinistar on PS2 (Midway Arcade Treasures).

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

C'mooooon, what are you thankful for?

Wish You Were There With... Califone!

I guess one of the biggest, if not the biggest compliment you can give a live band is that they make you want to go home and write music. And that was just the type of inspiration being bandied about by Califone on Tuesday night at the Wexner Center.

They had a two guitar (both singing), two percussionist set-up. They played acoustic guitars and lots of other traditional instruments (i.e. banjos, violins, etc.), but they plugged them into so many different effects pedals that the mere site of the cord-drenched stage made you wish you owned stock in Monster cables. The obscene amount of percussive elements used by the band was totally impressive (mesmerizing), too; I’ve never seen a group incorporate so many bells and wood blocks and rare percussive pieces and do it so well.

Ultimately, their songs are all about mood. Parts of their show frankly made me want to curl up and go to sleep, but I don’t mean that in a negative way. The majority of their performance droned and loped and sprawled, sweeping over me like a much-welcomed, warm blanket.

However, my favorite parts of the show were the more rocking parts, when they pulled out their Tele’s and blasted the intimate space with fuzz and feedback and various electro-screeches. Perhaps it was the juxtaposition of these louder moments against the quieter ones that made them more appealing?

In the end, I really just wanted to run home and pick up my guitar and try to figure out how they made some of the sounds they made. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Director Robert Altman Dead At 81

Favorite Altman flick and why?

This Week in Rock & Roll TV: November 20 - 26, 2006

Here's the line-up:

MON 20: Army Of Anyone on Conan
MON 20: *Fiona Apple on Carson Daly
TUE 21: American Music Awards [ABC]
TUE 21: Jerry Lee Lewis & Kid Rock on Leno
TUE 21: Robyn Hitchcock on Conan
WED 22: Minus The Bear on The Daily Habit [FUEL]
WED 22: Jay-Z on Kimmel
THU 23: Paul Simon & Lorne Michaels on Iconoclasts [SUND]
THU 23: Decades Rock Live- The Pretenders & Friends [VH1C]
FRI 24: DJ Shadow & Q-Tip on Letterman
SAT 25: *Franz Ferdinand & What Made Milwaukee Famous on Austin City Limits
SAT 25: *Hugh Laurie & Beck on SNL
SUN 26: The Horrors on Subterranean

* = Episode previously aired

Check local listings for show times and channels in your
area.

Discuss >>>

Shotgunning Beers At Daybreak = GREAT IDEA!!

If you’re not from Columbus, Ohio you have no idea just how crazy a football game can make people. Here at the NDA Headquarters planes and helicopters have been buzzing overhead since dawn with signs telling us to go eat at Chipotle. The news estimated over fifty thousand party-goers were already up and around the stadium by eight o’clock this morning. People are streaming by my house pouring Nati Lights over eachothers heads and shouting incoherently about the Buckeyes! Go Bucks! Screw the Blue! O! H! Pause. I! O! These are all popular refrains. Anyway, it’s noon-ish and I’m off to buy some beer and snax for the BIG GAME. It will probably be the last time I drive my car before they turn it over and burn it later (when “we” win).

And now the moment for which you’ve all been waiting... the Official NDA Prediction:

OHIO STATE 24
MICHIGAN 23

P.S. There’s still no cure for the baby arm!
P.P.S. Ted Ginn scores two.
P.S.P. Playstation Portable.
P.P.P.S. Have a nice day!
P.D.B.M.C. Please don't burn my car.

Win Tickets To... Califone!

In case you hadn’t heard, Califone recently released an impressive new record on Thrill Jockey titled Roots & Crowns. Its feel is at once storybook and progressive, exploratory and revitalizing. Coupled with their last album, 2004's Heron King Blues, you’d have a hard time naming five bands that have put out as much quality material over the last couple of years as has Tim Rutili and co.

For most of November the band has been on the road and I’m sure some of you have caught their mesmerizing live show. They’ve been getting some really excellent reviews.

And it just so happens that we have a pair of tickets to give away for Califone’s performance next Tuesday, November 21st at Wexner Center.

Please email contest@newdarkages.net with “Califone” in the subject line and we’ll pick a random winner for a pair of seats (actually it’s a standing-only show).

For more on the event, go here.

And here's a podcast primer.

After this they only have a few more shows scheduled:

11.22 Indianapolis, IN at Birdy’s
11.25 Chicago, IL at Auditorium Theatre (with Wilco)
12.08 Ann Arbor, MI at Michigan Union

This Week in Rock & Roll TV: November 13 - 19, 2006

Here's the line-up:

MON 13: George Jones on Letterman
MON 13: OK Go on Craig Ferguson
TUE 14: Tenacious D on Letterman
TUE 14: Panic! At the Disco on Conan
WED 15: Cirque Du Soleil Beatles Love on Leno
WED 15: Tenacious D on Conan
THU 16: Isabella Rossellini & Dean Kamen on Iconoclasts [SUND]
FRI 17: Damien Rice on Conan
SAT 18: Van Morrison on Austin City Limits
SAT 18: Chris "Ludacris" Bridges on SNL
SUN 19: Noel Gallagher on Subterranean

* = Episode previously aired

Check local listings for show times and channels in your
area.

Discuss here >>>

Don't Forget Tomorrow Night

Saturday, November 11th

THE NEW DARK AGES PRESENTS

Merge Records Recording Artist

ROBERT POLLARD
(ex-GBV)

with Mitch Mitchell's Terrifying Experience and Murder Your Darlings

Doors 7pm / 18+ / $16

The Foundry
26 Wyandot St
Dayton, OHIO

Hope to see you there!

On The Phonograph... Chavez.

Chavez

Better Days Will Haunt You
(Matador, 2006)


File under: Music

The liner notes for Chavez' career-encapsulating retrospective Better Days Will Haunt You, provided by Matador Records' co-founders Chris Lombardi and Gerard Cosloy, begin like this: "The moment. Do you know it? The moment in every music lover's life when you realize that nothing will ever be the same. Ever." That's some pretty intense rhetoric, isn't it? I happen to know The Moment, and I'll never forget it. Early June 1994, on the way to practice with the band I had just joined. Our drummer put in a tape of the just-released debut single “Repeat the Ending" b/w "Hack the Sides Away".

Four minutes later, I was a changed man. Bombs had been detonated inside my head. This was some heavy stuff. Everything I had wanted in rock music but had been unable to articulate had just been spelled out for me. I spent the next three years in thrall to this band's dizzying marriage of Clay Tarver and Matt Sweeney's twin-guitar-heroics and Scott Marshall & "The James" Lo's drum-and-bass-bombast, with (most of the time) a very well-written pop tune underneath, things that were slightly more incongruous then than they are now. And perhaps we have them to thank for that, but probably not -- you see, they never really "made it", and by the end of the century they were long gone. Their output was a mere two albums, one E.P. and a few compilation appearances, all of which are out of print. So when this collection was announced, this fan was understandably excited.

The good news, obviously, is that everything is now available again, and with just one purchase you'll get everything they ever released. The bad news is that, for completists like me, there's not much that is new. The bonus DVD boasts a "documentary", the charmingly titled "Boys Making Music... Music Making Men", but this turns out to be a paltry 29-minute video diary of a 1995 European tour with label-mates Guided by Voices. Ultimately disappointing, but worthwhile for the rare footage of "Classic Lineup" GBV performing their "new" stuff. Another band's rarities should not be a selling point for a band's retrospective, but in this case, for better or worse, it is. Also included in the DVD are their only two videos: "Break Up Your Band", a send-up of mid-80's MTV excess featuring more than a few exotically clad male strippers, and "Unreal Is Here" - their prettiest song - cleverly presented as a "Bon Jovi" style world-tour video, complete with screaming fans, oversize charity checks (made out to "Chavez Kids") and a performance at the (noticeably empty) Hollywood Bowl. These two award-winning videos are worth the price of this collection, if only for their ingenious lampooning of the medium.

As for the music they made, if it were any other band at any other time, it would be described as "genre-defying". But for the 17-year old hearing this stuff for the first time, it can only be called "genre-defining". I'm still trying to make music the way they did, but I can't. No one but them ever could. Bombastic. Majestic. Just listen to "Repeat the Ending" (CD 1, track 1) or "Wakeman's Air" (CD 1, track 10) for absolute proof. And they sounded exactly the same live as they did on record, something that is truly rare. The absence of live recordings is probably the only thing that keeps this from being a perfect retrospective. For the uninitiated, though, this is something you should get right now. This music changed my life forever. Matador's helmsmen said as much themselves. What better recommendation do you need?

P.S. Chavez was the 90's answer to prog rock.

Have A Happy And Safe Weekend!

ANOTHER BLACKWELL SCHEME UNCOVERED

Hey guys, we need to call MoveOn.net because I think I've got a lead on the Britney/Kevin breakup. It's called Ken Blackwell. He used this election to draw public attention away from "The Cutest Couple Ever" and it's caused permanent damage and irreconcileable differences. I don't know who voted for this breakup, but someone better hurry up and fix this or we're not going to get to see K-Fed on TV or in magazines ever again. Oh and can somebody get me a copy of his album so I can review it and give it 4 out of 3 stars?

VALUE menu VOTER

so earlier i voted the shit out of this new electronic touch screen voting booth WITH a paper trail and when it came to the "non-partisan" elections, i had no idea who was what and whatever. so i figured, better to not vote than to accidentally pick the wrong ones. but there's one that i need to tell you about. his name is TIM HORTON. i was trying to only vote for democrats, but when you see a name like TIM HORTON, you don't really have a choice. i voted for TIM HORTON so hard i almost broke the voting machine. i voted the fuck out of TIM HORTON. turns out, he's a democrat too. sweet. anyway, toss your political views aside and be a VALUE menu VOTER. also i just ate at wendy's. vote for TIM HORTON long and vote for TIM HORTON all night.

Vote Vote Vote

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TODAY!

This Week in Rock & Roll TV: November 6 - 12, 2006

Here's the line-up:

MON 6: Suicide Girls- The Italian Villa [SHO]
TUE 7: OK Go on Leno
WED 8: The Metropolitan Opera on Letterman
WED 8: Death Cab For Cutie on Conan
THU 9: Quentin Tarantino & Fiona Apple on Iconoclasts [SUND]
THU 9: Damien Rice on Leno
THU 9: Lady Sovereign on Kimmel
THU 9: Joseph Arthur on Craig Ferguson
THU 9: Wolfmother on Carson Daly
FRI 10: Elvis Costello & Rosanne Cash on Letterman
FRI 10: The Hold Steady on Kimmel
FRI 10: Old Crow Medicine Show on Conan
SAT 11: Ladysmith Black Mambazo on Austin City Limits
SAT 11: Alec Baldwin & Christina Aguilera on SNL
SUN 12: The Rapture on Subterranean

* = Episode previously aired

Check local listings for show times and channels in your
area.

Discuss here >>>

In Theatres This Weekend

Apparently everyone is catching Borat fever! Borat! Borat! Borat! It’s everywhere. Just today I saw a husky blue-collar gentleman help an old lady across the street. And I thought Borat really is making a difference. I saw a kid earlier on a bike doing wheelies down 17th Avenue and I reflected silently to myself, none of this would have been possible without Borat. Borat! Borat! Borat! I was eating lunch with this friend of mine today and he inadvertently bit his finger instead of his chicken nugget and yep, Borat. See you there!

Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan was directed by Larry Charles and stars Sacha Cohen, Ken Davitian and Luenell.

Other films of less social-impact opening too-dah include: Volver, Flushed Away, Unknown, Shottas and The Santa Clause 3 starring your favorite tool man and mine, Leslie Nielsen.