Revenge of Fox Atomic and Wonderland Films

Oh man, I came across some disturbing news today. It turns out they are remaking the 1984 cult comedy classic Revenge of the Nerds. This is a movie that I probably watched a thousand times when I was a kid. Yes, I was a dork (many would argue that I still am) and I related to these characters like no others. Spoiler alert! How amazing was it that they beat the jocks and got the girls in the end!?!? Remaking this film is blasphemous in my book. But it does bring up an interesting point. Simply put, some movies should never be remade under any circumstance.

Revenge of the Nerds was one-of-a-kind. How can you find a new “Booger”? No one will ever be able to rip off such a momentous belch or fill the line, “We’ve got bush!” with as much earnest delight and sheer horniness as Curtis “Booger” Armstrong once did. How do you replace the geeky, honking shrill of Robert “Louis” Carradine? Or find an actor so exquisitely gay (and black!) as Larry B. “Lamar” Scott? You cannot simply recast a “Wormser” or a “Poindexter” –- these men were literally born for their respective roles. Don’t they get it!?

Anyway, we’re screwed because this bullshit atrocity is already in pre-production. That leaves little time to mobilize any sort of significant protest or rally. The fact that they credit five writers (!) on this new one does nothing but validate everything I said in the previous paragraph. Tweak the script this way and that boys, write all you want, but you’ll never find an “Ogre” with as much charisma and beefy charm as the original Donald “The Ogre” Gibb.

Revenge of the Nerds (2007) will be directed by Kyle Newman (The Cyclist, Gnomes! <-- Huh?) and is scheduled to be released sometime next summer.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this grave matter and perhaps you could also offer up some personal favorites that you would consider absolutely off-limits for a remake?